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It`s ok if you don`t like my personality,,, I`ve got others.
Just saw that my wife was googling ballroom dancing lessons and now I`m hoping that she`s having an affair.
I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer.
If there is one-thing in this would i don`t like being thought is ... a lesson.
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
My new year`s resolution is to stop making new year`s resolutions.
My online dating profile is just a picture of my ex-wife and the words "NOT THIS."
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it?
If I were to quit my job today and become a psychic, I would advertise with a sign that reads, “Voted best psychic of 2016!"
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.
Having a pen!s is like having a friend that always wants to play.