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Holy crap! I just realized that I´m still it from a game of tag in 1987.
Selfie... Because it`s important to realize that it`s not the photographer who is making you look ugly.
It`s not working. I`ve napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea.
I like my coffee like I like my women, hot and a lot of alcohol in them
I`d like to have a kid but I`m not sure I`m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where their shoes are.
why would i ever pay to go to a nascar event when i could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
Proposing to a woman isn`t like choosing a life-long business partner. It`s more like hiring your own boss.
Screw doing situps...teddy bears don`t and everyone loves them.
I still sing my ABC’s to see which letter comes first.
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
It’s not weird to talk to yourself, it’s just weird when someone else hears you talking to yourself.
I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of crazy.
I wouldn`t want to fly Virgin. Who`d want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way?
I carry a knife, but it`s just in case of cake.