Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I met a woman on a dating site that said she was high maintenance when I finally saw her it looked more like she was in need of major repairs
OH NO !,,,,,,,,, I just realized I can`t stop calling the addiction hotline....
I consider my body less of a temple and more of a ruin.
I`m only 2 girls short of a threesome.
I`m 5`5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.
I was getting really depressed today but then I realized double cheeseburgers exist
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible…but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell!
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
Being able to eat while watching Hannibal makes you more of a psychopath than anyone on the show.
How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie
Whoa. I just did something & almost forgot to document it on facebook. That was a close one.
Why does whoop-ass only come in a can?
If at first you don`t succeed...Do it the way your wife told you to. ;)
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
The reason swans mate for life is because they don`t talk.