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Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
I like to imagine that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?”
I´m (insert your name) BITCHES!!!! Deal with that.
Never take a laxative and a sleeping aid on the same night. dont ask me why.
Sorry I liked your status, I was cleaning my phone.
I`m not crazy, I`m just special!!...No, wait...Maybe I am crazy. One second...I have to talk to myself about this, hold on...
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
Hugh Hefner dead at age 91. With the amount of Viagra that guy must have been taking, good luck closing that casket lid.
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
If a man says you`re ugly, he`s being mean. If a woman says you`re ugly, she`s jealous. If a little kid says you`re ugly, then you`re ugly.
Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. :)
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?