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Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have booze and snacks in your purse.
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
Never call me creepy. You`re the only one that doesn`t even know we`re engaged.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.
I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
I just keep telling myself you guys don`t have sex either.
Apparently, walking up behind a hot guy in the produce aisle with celery in my hand and whispering "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
The only way I`ll ever run a marathon is if I set up the booths and hand out tags.
If anxiety was good for weight loss, I`d be back to my birth weight.
It`s kind of creepy that you noticed me staring at you.
Why do people at home on TV have their pants on?
What`s with this `running with scissors` bullsh!t? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?