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Waiter: Would u like ur coffee black sir? Me: What other colors do u have?
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
Don`t believe everything you think.
For the record when I was a kid I never wanted to be an adult.
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
My girlfriend told me I`m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman... What a joker!
If a tree falls on your Ex in the woods, and no one hears it, still get rid of the chainsaw just in case.
"Hey homie!" - How I greet my house whenever I arrive.
The only reason I keep my land line is for the eventuality that this is The Matrix.
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
Sometimes, I question my sanity ... Sometimes, it replies
According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
Somewhere in the world right now, somebody is buying a house based on its potential for great bathroom selfies.
I haven`t seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he`s OK.
A 5 year old asked me what marriage is like. So I gave him a chocolate bar and told him not to eat it.