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Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome.
If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
I saw a poor old lady fall over today, at least I presume she was poor, she only had $ 1,20 in her purse
i spend 800% off my life exaggerating
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said “too ugly to prostitute”
If my fridge had glass doors I would still stand there and hold the door open.
Last night a movie theatre was robbed of $1000. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, a combo meal, and a box of milk duds.
I plan on leaving all my money to the campaign against illiteracy. ...They can`t read this right? lol
Why Couldn`t Snoop Dogg & Dr.Dre Get On The Bus ... Because They Forgot 50 Cent
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
When sitting directly across from someone also using a laptop, I can`t stop myself from telling them, "you sunk my battleship!"
You seem awesome. I can`t wait to find out what I hate about you.