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Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
Anyone know when Facebook is sending us our W-2`s?
I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
What do you mean I didn’t win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else.
The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home.
On average I spend $75 a year to watch bananas turn brown.
There’s literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house.
"Rise and shine” is probably the most depressing thing a shoeshiner hears in the morning.
Excuse me but which level of Hell is this?
Ever noticed how fast people walk across the road when you don`t apply the brakes
I use a blender to make protein shakes in my office every day. That way when I use it to mix up a pitcher of margaritas no one even notices.
Is the "D" in Donkey Kong a typo? It should have been Monkey Kong right? These are the things that keep me up at night.
Instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals
I’ve been really depressed these past few days. Finally visited a therapist and got diagnosed. Turns out, I’m poor.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.