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I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
I`d like to give a special thanks to my feet for supporting me and to my arms for being by my side at all times.
So far I’ve spent most of 2016 flipping off the weather channel.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...
New College Admissions Test ______ not getting into this college: A. Your B. Ur C. You`re D. U`re
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they`d lose the alarm and just announce that there`s free food by the stairs.
If you love someone , let them go. If they dont come back, call them up later when your drunk and see wtf is going on.
I may or may not have just "Whipped my Hair Back and Forth".......
Telling people your phone is gonna die, But you really just don’t want to text them.
is here. Now what are your other two wishes?
Apparently, saying “Wow, you’ve grown since I last saw you” isn’t deemed socially acceptable when said to adults.
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
I feel like people who don`t have at least one bottle of expired salad dressing in the fridge, really have their lives together.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.