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I was thinking about selling my old phone but I think it knows too much.
Million dollar idea: Alarm clock that releases spiders... NOW you`re up.
I`m so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign And before that ... we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that sh!t.
Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
Lightning bugs use their blinkers more than most drivers.
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
"My name will live forever!" - Anonymous.
I found a real money maker in selling homing pigeons....... So far this month I sold mine 4 times.
I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
am I the only one who would beat the sh!t out of someone for wearing a "forever lazy" to a tailgate?
Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you`ll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward
Trying to remain humble but I’m the most famous person in my living room right now.