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Unsettling sounds #23 - Ice-cream van after dark
I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
Knowing sign language is a handy skill when it comes to identifying schizophrenics at famous people`s funerals.
Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating...
The best way to grill a chicken is to whack it with a rubber hose before you ask why it crossed the road..
If I could bring one dead person back to life I`d bring back Walk Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction..
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
You might call it ‘whipped.’ I call it `guy who’s getting laid.’
You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges :)
Ban pre-shredded cheese! Make America grate again.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
Bicyclists, it`s one thing to hog the road, but it`s quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.
.Monday: No. Tuesday: Ugh. Wednesday: Why. Thursday: Omg. Friday: Finally. Saturday: Yes. Sunday: Crying.
Today’s Generation: “Omg my parents never let me have anything.” via iPhone.