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I don`t get along with Hipster kids. Not a fan of the smell of thrift stores.
I want rich people problems. Like where to park my yacht.
Does Facebook offer a 401(k)?
I can totally relate to cranky elderly people. I mean you can only be nice for so long!
I wish I could write `` I Miss You `` on a rock and throw it at your face, so you can know how much it HURTS to miss you
I like when videogames limit how many things you can hold. "You have 100 items in an invisible bag. Carrying another would be unrealistic"
wants to come back as a bird after I die.... just so i can sh!t on the people who piss me off.
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
When someone tells you they are getting a divorce, a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told, twice now.
It`s funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.