Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The meek shall inherit the earth. Probably because they`re the only ones who won`t complain about what we`ve done to it.
My nephew asked me what marriage was like. So I gave him a candy bar and told him not to eat it.
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
I made a salad with red wine vinaigrette only I left out the vinegar and the oil and ok it`s just lettuce with wine all over it. Anyhoo, I`m drunk.
Sorry, everyone, it looks like my Facebook account was hacked by tequila last night...
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best looking guy in the world, but.... Oh, hell. Now I`m depressed.
Girl scout cookies suck! I ate like 20 boxes of thin mints and I`m not any thinner.
FACT: Men are much less likely to divulge a secret than women. Probably because they weren`t really listening to begin with.
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we`ve met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me
Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.