Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.
I`m never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam`s ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
I know you`re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?
I’d be much more interested in meeting people if I didn’t think most people were idiots.
Beer is like sex. When it’s good it’s good…when it’s bad it’s still pretty good.
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
Started working on my taxes today and learned why the form is called 1040. For every $50 I make, I get $10 and the gov`t gets $40...
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
Why hasn`t anyone written a sequal song to "Jessie`s Girl" ... Where he discovers what an incredible high maintenance drag she is?
I`m smiling ... You should be scared.
Before you refer to someone as your ex, make sure they know you dated.