Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
I hope the meteorite crash in Russia doesn`t affect the price of Vodka!
I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
My car said "low on fuel"..I replied "low on cash"..I`m still waiting for a reply..
Just farted in 3 different languages! Thanks, Rosetta Stone!
Maybe Mondays are not that bad. Maybe its your job that sucks balls.
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies I’m going to pay with.
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
I`ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
If I could time-travel, forget killing baby Hitler. I`d go back to use every come back I ever thought of 10 minutes too late.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far!
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.