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What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
The real trouble with reality is that there´s no background music
Life is not a garden so quit being a hoe
I prefer to be crazy and happy rather than normal and bitter......
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
To show my support for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I`ll be giving free breast exams all month. Hit me up if you`re interested.
Running away does not help with the problems unless you are fat
One of my favorite discoveries about adulthood is that there are literally no rules stopping you from eating an entire row of Oreos at once.
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
Today is a great day. The mailman just delivered me an Iron Maiden cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot..
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
They say dolphins are the second smartest animal after humans, but I`ve never seen a dolphin with a face tattoo.
I`ve spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can`t find his nuggets.
Every time I go to the bank I ask if they are giving out any free samples.