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When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.
If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never aging is wearing the same clothes every day.
Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
If you can’t face it, moon it.
Ironically the only way I`d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
Trying to figure out how to ask a girl on a first date of Netflix and pizza without sounding all serial killery
I`m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out
What`s this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....