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Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
Meal prepping is basically eating a week`s worth of leftovers from a meal that never happened.
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
Show me a bunch of people with type A personalities, and I`ll show you a control group.
Behind every beautiful woman, is a beautiful behind.
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
Q: What is the best thing God ever created? A: The vagina. Q: What was the worst thing God ever did? A: Put women in charge of them.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
Do a little dance... Drink a lot of rum... Fall down tonight...
I wanna lie on the floor and not think for a month or two.
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.
I bet the women who only post about sex are probably some of the nicest men you’ll ever meet in person.