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It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
Standing up: Wow, I`m actually kind of skinny. Sitting down: Okay, maybe not..
A golden rule to live by: Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics!
Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? Me: If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too?
Possible Fact: White guys with corn rows make dangerous zombies, cuz you can`t possibly run away while laughing that hard at the same time.
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles ... Do your damn job.
If you`re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don`t be open.
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
I`m the type of person who will throw away the manual and ponder for 3 hours "where the hell do I start"
Hello? HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet but you sent me a printer.
I got so much Crazy going on that the term "Bi-Polar" would be excessively underestimating my condition, let`s go with "Multi-Polar" from now on.........
Throw a stranger a surprise party by putting confetti inside their closed umbrella when they’re not looking!