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Still waiting for a Discovery Channel "How It`s Made" episode on babies.
It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong .
You`d think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
Go to O`Reilly Auto Parts website and type, `121G` in the search bar.
I"m not saying that I am batman, i`m just saying no one has ever seen me and batman in a room together
“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
I think the Worst Part about admitting you are an Alcoholic ..is People expect you to Quit Drinking.
If I owned a pet store Id put a different rat in the turtle cage every night just to see if any of the turtles knew karate the next morning.
EVERY Friday is good in my book!
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
Today I am thankful for my family....and this 5th of vodka that helps me deal with them.
What I lack in vocabulary, I make up for in…you know...stuff...and...things...
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.