Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My wife’s new cooking show will be called, "Do you smell Something Burning?"
Sometimes I think if it weren`t for the gutter my mind would be homeless...
At this point in my life the only reason I want to be rich is to hire somebody to clean my house.
Your family tree must look like a cactus........everybody on it is a pr!ck
Sorry, I didn’t get your message because I deleted it without listening.
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit".
It’s not really drinking alone if the dog is home ... right?
I`d share my Netflix login but I`m too embarrassed by "My List".
Just completed a 0.00 mile run - preceded by 11 oreo cookies
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
My mom likes playing this game called `yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can`t hear her`.
I don`t have dirty mind ...I just hav a sexy imagination. ..
All i ever see on facebook is LBR, TBH, LMS, and all that other crap...
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/
I want to live in a world where it’s never too late for breakfast food and never too early for pizza.