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I feel ready to face the world as a responsible adult now that I`ve taken today`s gummy vitamins.
Why don’t television shows say, “You will be delighted to know that this program contains strong sexual content?”
Honk if you are reading this.
I hate it when I put on my apple bottom jeans and cannot find my boots with da fur!!
I wish I could veto MY bills.
A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they`ll do nicely"
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
My downstairs neighbor thinks I`m a little creepy and that I overstep my bounds. At least that`s what she wrote in her diary.
For fun, I steal my married friends phones & change my name to `Brandy from the club` then repeatedly call them & hang up at 3am.
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
My body is by no means a temple but it can be one heck of a amusement park ride...
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
Exercise can add years to your life. For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now feel like I`m 82.
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.