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It`s almost Valentines Day and I still don`t know what to get myself yet.
I`m 42 years old and I still have no idea what I would do if a kangaroo entered my bedroom in the middle of the night.
For $60, this printer ink had better be hand squeezed out of endangered squids.
ROFL!!….. LOL jk i’m still in my chair.
I love finding money in my clothes. It’s like a gift to me ... from me.
More people should be at a loss for words.
I have an irrational fear of speed bumps but, I’m slowly getting over it.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy.
Alcohol doesn`t get people drunk, people get people drunk. Drunk people get other drunk people extra drunk.
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
Just looked at the price of baby strollers. I think were gonna have an indoor baby.
My new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone`s having a party
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/
Me: Well hello again. I knew you`d be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave