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Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
Showing cleavage doesn’t fix your face.
Her: Do I look fat? Him: Do I look stupid?...
What happens in Vegas never happens to me.
The United States is probably the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer all day.
For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
This day is going downhill faster than a wagon full of fat kids!
I can read your mind, your thinking about sex right now, no wait, wait.. that`s my mind, sorry, I can read my mind. . .
I have a black belt in leather
I wish bedtime was all the time.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
Not to brag or anything, but I don`t need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
First rule of Pizza club, you don’t share it.