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Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Hard work never killed anyone but why risk it?
I hate that I have to put on clothes to participate in society.
I`m not ignoring you, I am simply giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you are being.
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
I just realized that the only time I`m good at dancing is when I`m about to pee my pants
Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
If by self-help you mean helping myself to all the liquor in your cabinet... Then yeah... I`m about as self-helpful as they come.
Every shape I had to learn above octagon was just a total fu*king waste of time.
Today I caught myself thinking of you and smiling... but it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
I`d love to have kids one day. Two days, tops.
I may look calm, but in my head I´ve punched you in the face 3 times already!
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!