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The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
Friends are like boobs... Some are real some are fake.
Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I`m supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me.
If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
You are wasting your time reading this status.
It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
Thou shall not promote Christmas until after Thanksgiving.
You are here: X
You’d think after all these beauty pageants, we would have world peace by now.
I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone
Some people need a shock collar. I need the remote.
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.