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Dieting is for the birds. Which is why you hardly ever see a fat bird.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.
I`m not a Dr. or a Nutritionist, but I`m pretty sure the worst thing you can put into any high fat/ high calorie dish is your fork.
Never throw sunglasses in an argument. If they land perfectly on your opponent`s face there is no known comeback.
Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
Jogging backwards because I`m trying to gain a little weight
Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask him, "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
I haven`t seen any new episodes of Gilligan`s Island in awhile... I hope they`re OK.
I`m trying to lose weight by eating carrots and bran muffins. It`s a fiber-optics diet.