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If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it.
I spent an hour at Walmart last night.. I can now totally disprove evolution.. O_o
Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
You know what’s huge in Japan? ..Sumo wrestlers. ;)
"Polar bears can`t jump." - Black bears
Remember this when you are drunk: You can`t fall off the floor.
I’m hopelessly addicted to placebos ..I’d give them up, but it’d make no difference.
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
People pay to sponsor animals in the wild and get pic updates on it. Well if anyone would like to sponsor me I will send you a selfie a day.
Do the other settings on the washer actually do anything?
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the “ABCs” in my head to remember which letter comes next.
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf´s a minute
Just made eye contact with a guy while licking my lips ... I think I need to kill him now.
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?