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So much of my day is just keeping myself distracted until it`s time to eat again.
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
The batteries in my electric toothbrush died before I finished. I`ve never sympathized more with women in my life.
One man`s girlfriend is another man`s password.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people.
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
Why do hospitals need to advertise? It`s not like I`m going to go to Home Depot instead.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or married.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
Why,does facebook want to make the likes one gets on their status like a story,like:peter and 500 others like this,click and see james and 499 others like this............
I don`t call it lying down, I call it landscape mode.
Letting my dad play Angry Birds on my iPad is like showing a caveman fire.
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.
Welcome to fight club..., you may now kiss the bride.