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They sell Harvard shirts at Target so that’s a good way to save $ 399,984.05.
There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else`s house.
The best part about being at work on Friday is that it gives me 9 hours to figure out what I`m going to drink tonight.
Me: "The only person I need in my life is you." Bartender: "Please stop trying to hold my hand."
honestly I`ve never seen a tombstone that read "died from not forwarding a text to 10 people"
Is "drunk" an emotion? Because if it is, I am feeling SUPER emotional right now...
I`m "keeps a pair of underwear in the glove box because I don`t trust my farts anymore" years old.
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
I wonder what I did in a previous life to get reincarnated as me...
Yo! My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
A bachelor party is a lot more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say "Give me the dumbest thing you can think of."
I have nothing to update. I`m just making it look like I`m doing something at a party so people won`t talk to me.
I mostly use Facebook to remember why I stopped hanging out with certain people.
My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can`t stuff your face when you`re sleeping.