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Just for kicks I posted "I won the LOTTERY" on Facebook. One girl liked it, then replied to the inbox message I sent her in 2010. *Blocked*
Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
Lazy is a very strong word, I like to call it “selective participation.”
Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
I should come with a warning label.
If you ever come over unannounced, it`ll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants.
Every paper towel commercial just reminds me that the cleanest option is to just not have children.
I don`t know if my stomach is growling cuz I`m hungry or if that`s my liver crying cuz it`s the weekend.
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is "I can post that"
Hello? HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet but you sent me a printer.
The cop at your front door is never a stripper when you want them to be.
B is the best letter of the alphabet: Boobs, Buns, Booty, Booze, Beer, Bourbon, and Bacon.