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I was driving to work this morning and saw a bumper sticker that said, "Jesus is the answer." A few minutes later I saw another bumper sticker that said, "Who farted?" That was the best game of Highway Jeopardy ever!
Eventually I will find Bigfoot and he will tell me all he knows about Hide & Seek.
Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating...
This job fair sucks... They don`t have one F*cking ride...
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
I`m so bored at work that I`m actually doing my job.
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman, it doesn`t matter if its Visa or Mastercard.
Sometimes one middle finger isn`t enough to let someone know how you feel. That`s why we have two hands.
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
was going to argue with you...but then I remembered I really didn`t care
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?
The voices in my head are not real, but they have good ideas.