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If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`. I`ll definitely turn around and look.
Just been informed that my spirit animal is Eeyore.
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
Somebody asked for my name today, and when I told them they said "That`s an unusual name. You don`t hear that everyday" to which I replied "Well actually... I do"
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
Amnesia sounds so relaxing.
Alcohol doesn`t make you fat, it makes you lean..........against tables, chairs, walls, and garbage cans.
Shout out to people who are hard of hearing.
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
I start a lot of conversations with "goodbye" in hopes that I trick people into thinking we already talked.
Last night I got so drunk I blacked out for two hours, but then I realized I’d just put my hoodie on backwards
With my luck, I`ll die and get reincarnated as myself.