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It`s not so much that I wanted to drink the whole bottle of wine, I just couldn`t figure out how to get the cork back in it.
I only accept apologies in cash.
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you would actually kill me.
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
All I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask!
If you come to myspace and twitter about my yahoo, can I google over your facebook?
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
My lifetime stats are pretty average until you move over to the Pizza Consumed column.
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
For all the parents with kids starting school I just want to say congratulations. You made it through another summer without killing your children!! I am proud of you all!!
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...