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Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane.
There aren`t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
Now I lay me down to sleep, a bottle of vodka at my feet, if I should die before I wake, tell my friends I drank it straight.
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
A person soon learns how little they know when a child begins to ask questions.
I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today. On the front they say `I would do anything for love`. On the back, `But I wont do that!`
You know you`re married when you find her sexier with clothes on.
Facebook account for sale, Friends included...
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
Facebook should have an "I`ve seen enough" button.
The best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of your own sentence, that way they will just think you lost service.
I like to think the automatic soap dispenser is just really happy to see me.