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If you need help moving I am one hundred percent there for you emotionally.
If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew.
I was on way home this morning when I seen an AA van pulled in and the driver was crying his eyes out. I thought to myself that guy is heading for a breakdown.
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
Dinosaurs never had pizza and they all died.
Relationship Status: eating
Being the fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business.
For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
Home is where the pants aren’t.