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I swear I just go to the strip club for the music.
Just heard about the Obamacare deadline and I`m freaking out. I have so many questions. Who is Obama?
i love you with all my butt. i would say heart but my butt is bigger :)
Nothing makes you feel more insignificant than still having 85% battery at noon.
Wouldn`t it be great to revive the old "Mutual Of Omaha`s Wild Kingdom" show, but with a new setting? Like a WalMart Store in Kentucky?
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
I like going into McDonald`s and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else...
A guide to hating people. Step 1: get to know them.
You shouldn`t be allowed to wear animal print if you are bigger than said animal.
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.