Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Those kids in the Trix commercials were real jerks. Why couldn’t they just share their cereal with the rabbit?
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics...So glad I found you all.
I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.
Someone once said, “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” So, I’m pleased to announce the grand opening of my titty squeezing business!!
When someone tells me I`m going to hell, I`m like "yeah, duh, I work there part time as a tour guide!"
If Crunch Berries aren`t considered fresh fruit I don`t think this diet is going to work out.
I keep seeing studies finding fecal matter on things. Anyone considered that perhaps it`s the scientists that aren`t washing their hands?
You find my yoga pants distracting ... would you like me to take them off?
I`m emotionally constipated. I haven`t given a crap in days...
Two heads aren`t better than one if you`re both stupid.
The bad news: I took the wrong medication today. The good news: For the next 3 months I`m protected against heartworms and fleas.
Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
As long as I remind myself "The b!tch had it coming" is not a valid court defense, I`ll be ok
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.