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I don`t like surprises so, I never open my Electric Bill or my Bank Statement.
Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to simply ignore you.
Don`t hate me because I think I`m beautiful.
Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
Does it count as saving someone`s life if you just refrain from killing them?
I am not bossy, I just know how to do things the right way.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer !
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas…
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
Noise cancelling toilets should be a thing.
If you feel lonely... dim all lights & put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…