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I might enjoy work more if at the end of the day I could slide down the back of a brontosaurus directly into my car.
Getting out of bed feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ... every time it happens.
My wife asked me if I knew her favorite flower was. Apparently "Gold Medal All Purpose" was not the correct response
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
Apparently, "Step up your game" isn`t the correct response when your neighbour brings over fresh cookies, and your wife asks how they are.
Is it wrong to use cheat codes for Wii Fit.
Is Nudeism a religion?
If only my goals were to be poor, lazy and out of shape.
I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason
I`ve decided to start taking more supplements: calcium pills for my bones, ginkgo pills for my memory, milk thistle for my liver, ginkgo pills for my memory...
The name CONstitution sounds so negative. Since `pro` is the opposite of `con` we should call it prosti..... oh wait.
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
I always win at chess ... by hitting my opponent with a brick.