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India launched a rocket to Mars yesterday… That’s a heck of a place to put a call center.
When I`m home alone, every noise I hear is a serial killer
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
The Manning`s Thanksgiving is going to be awkward this year. "Eli, can you pass the stuffing- oh wait, you better let Peyton do it."
The best part about a vacation to England is that my wife won`t need to adjust her driving.
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
We all have faults. It`s just that mine are better than yours.
As i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death i was like what da f**k am i doin here
Am I the only one who thinks my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair?
I`m going to be the first person to land on the sun! I know what your thinking and thats why I will be going at night.
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
Some families are like Snickers Bars. Mostly sweet, with a few nuts!
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you’re hot.