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Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious!
One good thing about being ugly is that when someone stares at you for too long you automatically know they wanna rob you.
Long story short, I love summaries.
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich?
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
It`s amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.
Make Monday More Fun: Unplug the copier at work and put a sign on it that says “Now Voice Activated!” Sit back and watch the magic unfold..
you know you`ve been facebooking too much when you accidentally say "LOL", in person...
First you`re telling me to be myself, then you`re telling me to stop being an idiot. Make up your mind!
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they`d lock us up?
my girlfriend does that cute thing, where she doesnt exist.
What idiot called it the "Happy Birthday" song instead of New Age music
My New Year`s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
Facebook is great, but I still miss the good old days of writing down my random thoughts and sliding them into stranger`s pockets.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective