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I`m not sure where you learned to whisper but I`m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by f*cking chainsaws.
Ever work out and think "wow I really needed that"? That`s how I feel about the chocolate chip cookie I just ate.
The length of your "About me" section on Facebook is directly proportional to how annoying you are in real life.
Don`t you love followers that don`t acknowledge your existence. Its so cute. Its like I have tiny marriages all over the world.
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?
As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass
Sometimes I whisper, "I`m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world...
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
I`m not homophobic, I love my house!
Adding "and sh!t" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
"Paypal me your lunch money!" -Cyber Bullies
They ordered two extra large pizzas at work. I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.