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I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
The best neighbors are the ones you never see.
I do not fail, I succeed at things that do not work.
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
It`s scientifically proven the more you shut up then the less likely I am to punch you in the face.
I really would like to take a yoga class. But I really can`t trust my farts.
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
Don’t jump to confusions.
To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
This year, I`m thankful for all the people that included me in their mass texts wishing me a "Happy Thanksgiving," now I know which numbers to block when Christmas comes around.
Boy: "Life`s a bitch, so is my Girlfriend." Girlfriend: "Life`s short, so is his d!ck.
So the Boy Scouts are going to let girls join. Teenage boys and girls camping in the woods together. What could possibly go wrong?
How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the f*ck out of my way" becomes acceptable?