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Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
You are wasting your time reading this status.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.
I`m sorry but, I could not hear you over the sound of my internal hope that you would shut the f*ck up.
Excuse me but which level of Hell is this?
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
Being stuck in the`` friend zone`` is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired.
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale
What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.
As I get older, I`ve learned to relax and not stress over trivial matters. Just kidding, I`m drunk.
The plans I make after work are in direct proportion to how much charge I have left in my phone battery.