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From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch.
I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
I saw the most beautiful painting at the store the other day … but then I realized it was a mirror.
Is everything expensive or am I just poor?
Don`t look at me in that tone of voice...
I like to take, long, romantic walks, to the fridge. <3
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
I think sharks eat people just to be on tv.
Me being rude: Shut the f*ck up. Me being polite: Please shut the f*ck up.
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, then why the heck is there a song about it?
for those people out there who don`t know me, congrats your not a facebook addict
If you`re behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you`re not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
A 15 year old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird.
Boobs make me forget about all the bad things in the world.