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A woman is quick to reject a man that lives with his mother, but will accept a man that lives with his wife.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re a terrible person and had it coming.
Welcome to journalism, where everything is made up, and the sources don`t matter.
I´m (insert your name) BITCHES!!!! Deal with that.
Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
We can`t cure cancer, diabetes or PMS, but we have 10 different pills to make a mans happy place bigger.
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
There’s always that last setting on your windshield wipers that makes you go “damn, calm the f*ck down!”
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.
I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do... And for those who like country music, denigrate means ‘to speak badly of`.
WARNING::World Health Organization says radiation from cell phones may cause cancer. Please text everyone you know about this.
I found that 99% of the time, when I`m not listening, just saying "that`s some bullshi*t" makes them happy.
If you can`t tell the difference between delivery and Digiorno then you`re a f***ing idiot.
Who wants to go Smart Car Tipping?