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I`m a really nice guy before you get to know me.
Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive.
I`m not bothered if someone likes me or Not. Even Angels are hated by Demons.
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
Childhood is like being drunk: Everyone remembers what you did except you.
Chapstick is an entire industry based on you losing the product and buying more.
Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
I`ll never be to old to redecorate your garden gnomes in the middle of the night.
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
There`s a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.
It`s funny how things change when you get older. It seems like just yesterday I would spend my evenings on the front porch and treat myself to some killer weed. Now I spend my
When one door closes it`s probably because someone shut it.
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can’t stop smiling like an idiot.
"I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.