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We`ve all been talking about your paranoia.
Just woke up next to my bed. Not sure if I fell out or didn`t quite make it in.
My minivan is always rocking, but it`s usually because I`m trying to smack one of the kids in the backseat while I drive.
Relationships are like batteries, they have a positive & a negative side. And you end up whacking your remote instead of changing them.
My wife and I decided to make our own sex tape. She was pissed off when I started holding auditions for her part.
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!
You mean.. people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
So last night I put a whopee cushion on moms chair, waited and finally heard it go off.. I walk in with a massive smile on my face to find out that she hadn`t even sat on it yet.
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
Rump roast is called rump roast because nobody would eat it if it was called cow`s ass
I’m not implying you’re stupid. I’m saying it outright. Here, I wrote it in crayon to help you understand.
Cheered myself up earlier by putting a "no U-turn" sign in a dead-end street.