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Boobs: because you can`t suck on a girls personality
Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.
According to Facebook, some people I don`t remember are grilling this weekend.
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
This pill bottle says `Take with plenty of fluids` and `Don`t take with alcohol`. That doesn`t even make sense
I`m not fat. My stomach is in 3D
Jodi Arias dating O J Simpson now that would be a hell of a relationship
It`s not hotter this year. It`s just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit.
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
Men who claim women belong in the kitchen definitely do not know what to do with them in the bedroom!
I bought 2 fish and named one, “one” and the other “two”, so when “one” dies I will still have “two”.
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.
I`m not perfect. But I am better than you.
Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she says I was obsessed with football. I was shocked. I mean we were together for 3 1/2 seasons.