Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”
I ate cereal for dinner because I do what I want. I`m an adult. Oh did I say adult? I meant poor. It`s because I`m poor.
Silence is Golden, except when coming from children… Then you’d better go check to see what’s broken.
You`re never too old to throw random sh*t in people`s shopping carts when they aren`t looking.
Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
Today I am thankful that I don`t post what I am thankful for on Facebook, every day in November. Or ever.
Don`t mistake my middle finger as an offer.
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I`m driving.
Marriage...betting someone half your stuff you`ll love them forever.
Oh the weather outside is frightful, And this booze is damn delightful
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.
Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.