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Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.
Its all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw.
Life is very funny, if you take the time to watch it.
Normal trees probably look at Christmas trees all dolled up and think .. "Whore"
I wanted to say thank you to all the people who gave me a reason to drink this Friday night.
Do you ever watch a movie and realize you have to watch it again because you were on your phone the whole time?
Just because leggings stretch dont mean yo 465 pound a$$ should be in them!
with great power...comes great electric bill...
Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we continue to fly…on a broomstick. We’re flexible that way.
You don`t have to be crazy to work here ... We`ll train you.
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
Cop: Are you on drugs? Me: Why would I sit on drugs? Cop: Have you taken any? Me: Taken them where? Cop: I meant used drugs Me: I prefer new
Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
Girl scout cookies suck! I ate like 20 boxes of thin mints and I`m not any thinner.