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I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
I slept with my best friend’s wife last night and now I feel terrible. …. ….. She must have given me a cold or something.
The best part about having an old VW is driving down the road and watching people punch the sh!t out of each other.
I`ve come to believe that everyone on Earth could benefit from a 12 step program.
I hope to get to the point in my life where I`m not excited about finding change on the ground.
Pool party at my house, bring ur own pool..
My friend on Facebook "Can`t believe its Monday again already"... if only there were some way for her to calculate the order in which days occur.
You know you`re getting old when one huge fart throws out your back.
Hockey is much better if you imagine the teams are fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life
There`s a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
I`m sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they`ve won the Canadian lottery.
Why do the 5 seconds I have to wait before I can "skip ad" last 30 seconds?
Chip clips are for quitters.