Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I had s*x with my friend`s wife last night and now I feel awful. She must have had the flu or something.
Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
You`d think he`d be better at this with all the porn he watches
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face...
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
There is a method to my madness….and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable
Today is a great day. The mailman just delivered me an Iron Maiden cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
If your girlfriends cat gets eaten by an angry pitbul terrier, gently singing "The circle of life" into her ear WILL NOT cheer her up.
"That`s too much bacon." -Nobody ever
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty
I`m great at balloon animals. You should see my eel, snake, and worm.