Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don`t even have to hide a body.
Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will only be jingling "part" of the way this year, as usual ur patience is appreciated.
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
To make a long story short quit right in the middle.
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
A vegan friend on FB said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn`t eat meat... I think if he had to build his own computer he couldn`t whine on FB.
So if your invited to someone`s 4th marriage is it wrong to give them a gift certificate to a good divorce attorney?
My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my `WTF` lines and those things are deep.
I make a great second impression.
Saw a bird sh*t on my car, so I ate scrambled eggs on my front step, just to show him what I`m capable of.
This century is already 15% over.
If you can make a woman laugh, you`re almost there. If you`re almost there & she laughs, now that`s a different thing.