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I`ve spent approximately 2% of my life walking back to the trash can and checking the box to see how long I need to microwave my food.
I always shout "PIZZA`S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn`t think I`m eating two pizzas by myself.
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. Iām gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
"I don`t care if you think it sounds gross, that`s what we`re calling it" -Guy who named the sweater.
I`m watching Godzilla tonight.... His parents asked me to babysit
Dear future boyfriend/girlfriend, where the hell are you?
A massage is just professional petting for humans.
Get ahead of myself. Sometimes I
I remember 2012 like it was yesterday.
I can tell how productive I was at work by how much battery my cell phone has left when I leave.
I haven`t seen any new episodes of Gilligan`s Island in awhile... I hope they`re OK.
If steroids are illegal for athletes shouldn`t photoshop be illegal for models?
My flock of sheep were stolen from my farm last month. I`ve not been able to sleep since.
I fake my lol`s