Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t know how the law of averages works, but you`d think after 25yrs of marriage I`d be right at least once
I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn`t answer the phone.
My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
You`re not laughing out loud. You know it and I know it
When Life Gives You Lemons Don`t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don`t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life`s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I`m the man who`s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I`m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Calling someone "stupid" is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it`s just a diagnosis.
Sometimes I post crazy shit just to see if my friend`s list will drop a few #`s
I`m tired of things costing money
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
The one thing women don`t want to find in their stockings on christmas morning is their husband
"How`s phone reception in the bathroom?" is an important question, but one you just can`t ask on a job interview.
Welcome to the obesessive-compulsive hotline... please press 1 repeatedly.
Ban pre-shredded cheese! Make America grate again.