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I would order delivery more often, but I just can`t stand lowering the drawbridge.
New camo condoms! She`ll never see you coming again.
If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
"You know, I wish I`d never gone to the pool that day." ~Marco Polo
If I throw a stick will you leave?
Helpful Tip: When your wife ask whats on TV, don`t say dust.
I can`t wait to get home and have make-up sex! ... I`ve been arguing all day with myself.
If kids are so wonderful why do you have to pay people to watch them?
sex is like a joke, some get it some don`t.....
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
Recent survey asked people in the U.S if there are too many immigrants: 17% said yes, 83% said Lo siento, no hablan Inglés
Having a bad day? Imagine a T-Rex trying to masturbate. you`re welcome.
I`ll never join one of those dating sites. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. By alcohol & bad decisions.