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Late to bed and early to rise, makes me really tired and pissed off.
I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
Relationship status: If I slam on my brakes really hard... The seatbelt hugs me back.
I don`t get why he counts the beer before he leaves to work... There`s never any left when he comes home.
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
"If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun" ~ My son apparently
Chinese scientists have discovered the rare rock n roll panda it will only eat A wop bop a loo lop a wop Bamboo
Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don`t have to share.
Just found my TV remote and a newspaper in my fridge. It`s pretty awesome that society lets me live by myself.
Have I been drinking? Clearly officer, you`re no detective
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
Thanks to the presence of fools, wise people stand out.
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie