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Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
I tend to avoid things that make me look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs
Boss: Where`s the progress report I asked u for. Me: I haven`t made any progress, that`s my report! - What I imagine it`d be like if I had a job
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
My head says go to the gym. My heart says food.
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake it then you`ve got it made!
Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I´m upgrading to the tugboat!
ok ladies quick question?,say a guy wanted to wear a thong does he tuck shirt in or out? Asking for a friend.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
Whenever you feel nobody cares or loves you. You should ask yourself...Am I TOO sexy?
Guys just want a virgin porn star and girls just want a dangerous safe guy.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "THERES ONE." -same guy, you`re british.
"F*ck that sh!t", is a perfectly acceptable replacement for the word "no"
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.