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The only thing I`m really learning from this 401K meeting at work this morning is that I`ll probably never be able to retire.
Just curious, when pirates use text, IM or twitter, do they used emoticons` like .) .P .D or .( or do they try to fool us by using the two eyed ones?
I`m at the "what can I make with green beans and cake mix" stage of needing groceries
I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
Yes we`re friends on facebook but that`s where it ends, stop trying to talk to me in real life... mom
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
I`m glad it`s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.
My wife said I can definitely have a man cave, if that`s what I want to start calling the hall closet.
If you can´t amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullsh*t
Did 4 push ups & 2 sit ups then ate 4 doughnuts & drank 2 beers. It`s called balance people!
My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, “That’s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
Yes, it`s a bad time. Let me call you back when I`m not feeling so honest.
Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour, teach him how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.