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30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate, it is not me. I believe I`ve been hacked.
All the coffee beans in South America can`t make me a morning person.
You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it`s acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
My neighbor`s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.
Example of the difference between `You`re`and `Your`: 1. "You`re nuts" = "You are nuts" 2. "Your nuts" = "What about my nuts?"
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you`ll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
Tried to explain Twitter to my 80 year old Mother, pretty sure she is now insane.
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
You can`t be late until you show up
I just saw a disclaimer that said "don`t try this at home", so I tried it at my neighbors house.
Thursday doesn`t even count as a day, it`s just the thing that`s blocking friday.