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Where do homeless people find all these sharpies?
How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
Adding "just sayin" to a smart-a$$ed comment makes you even more of an a$$hole. Just sayin
There`s a special place in hell reserved for the guy that decided what time McDonalds beakfast ends.
I would leave my house a LOT more if I could take the couch with me and wear my pajamas.
Sometimes I whisper, "I`m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world...
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
I`m pretty sure even Santa wishes they would stop playing Christmas music on the radio this time of year.
Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.
Don`t send me a ;) face and then wonder why I show up at your house naked.
Don`t worry about walking a mile in my shows. Try a day thinking in head.