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Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious!
I always get naked before I get in bed so I don`t know why this lady at Sears is giving me a dirty look in the mattress section.
In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
I just told my brother he was adopted, his response was, "At least they picked me"
I spend 95% of the time out of bed wishing I was back in bed
If you don`t give a f*ck then why you telling everybody?
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
FYI: You can`t beat rock-paper-scissors with yourself in the mirror.
Just read an article about a new species of spider in Sri Lanka that is the size of an average human`s face. In an unrelated matter, I have decided to NEVER visit Sri Lanka.
You don`t even want to know the things I have done for a Klondike Bar...
Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.
Anyone knows when is Facebook sending us the W-2 forms
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.