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I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
Do you suppose prison guards could use `PROACTIV` to prevent outbreaks?
Remember, laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrea.
I ignored your Facebook friend request because there isn`t a "Hell no!" button.
I love bacon because I can wrap it around everything. Essentially, it`s the duct tape of food.
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
I`m not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to sh!t indoors.
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring.
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away.
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can`t cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.
Turns out the plastic bag they put in your ice bucket at a hotel isn`t for to-go bacon from the breakfast buffet.
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she says I was obsessed with football. I was shocked. I mean we were together for 3 1/2 seasons.