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What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
My doctor told me to start watching what I eat. What channel is the Pizza Network on?
Wow!!! Thank you guy on Facebook I went to high school with and haven`t spoken to in 14 years, you really changed my mind about this upcoming election....
If you really want to get laid tonight, put on your oldest or most ridiculous underwear. It works every single time.
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
Don`t talk to me until I`ve had my coffee, my breakfast, lunch, juice, dinner, and at least two glasses of wine.
If I owned a copy store I would only hire identical twins.
Hi everyone! Welcome to AA. This is a "judgment free" zone...unless we`re talking about Janice who ate all the cookies last week.
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
Singing in the shower is illegal according to this Ikea security guard.
Hope you get down and funky on this the day of your birth!!
People keep mistaking my "wow"s for compliments.
Being sick is your bodies way of saying “Hey, you really need to catch up on some TV”.
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!