Daily Silly Status

wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?

If you`ve never played Tetris, you`re probably useless at loading a dishwasher

Apparently Home Depot`s slogan of "You can do it; We can help" doesn`t apply to masturbation.

Went to the virgin islands, now they are just the islands.

I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny, AND thin ... It`s a public service really.

Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!

When hipsters replaced hippies, we lost free love and drugs and got skinny jeans. Worst. Trade. Ever.

I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.

I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.

My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."

I really want to take photos of my friends with their face smushed against glass.. Then make that pic my phone contact for them.. Then when they call, it will look like they`re trapped inside my phone! Oh god my life is pitiful, kill me..

I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.

Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball

I could spend my day outside, but I`m sure there`s plenty of porn that needs to be rated.

I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?