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Married sext: I’m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times.
i want a cute boy to let me hold his hand and his credit card
Today one of my colleague told...... Buddy let get into serious studies... exams are on our heads.... And then both of us continued to chat with other people on fb for hours
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
The wife and I never really argue except on where to vacation. I wanna go to the beach and she wants to come with me
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
The only human interaction I want for the rest of the day is the exchange of money between me and the liquor store cashier
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
I glued the TV remote to my wife. I`m expecting her to go missing any second now.
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
I wonder how much a zebra would cost if you scan it…
I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.
My New Years Resolution for 2015 is to stop being so impatient.
I`ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-wife`s killer, but no one will do it.
Don`t worry about walking a mile in my shows. Try a day thinking in head.