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The irony of social media is that the majority of users are all alone.
"Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
I`ve been struggling with my laziness. I can`t decide if I should sit down and do nothing or lie down and do nothing.
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
It`s going to be so disappointing if we ever ask aliens about crop circles and they`re just like, "We really hate corn."
I’d get a lot more sleep if I didn’t insist on reading the entire internet every night.
I`m really tired but it`s OK. There`s a nap for that.
Cop cars should play the jaws theme song
They said I couldn`t drink or operate machinery on my medication. But here I am…Driving a forklift…Sipping a beer…Lifting up my boss`s car…
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i can slap eight people @ once!
It`s funny how things change when you get older. It seems like just yesterday I would spend my evenings on the front porch and treat myself to some killer weed. Now I spend my
Thanks for posting pics of what you had for dinner, the suspense was f*cking killing me.
Just bought a car with the money from my swear jar.