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SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
Why don`t we ever hear anyone bragging about their Allstate safe driving bonus checks?
Please don’t take anything I say personal or too seriously. I’m just an idiot with internet access.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
I`m not sure what my credit score is but I`m pretty sure I`m losing.
I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
My life is spent trying to get people to give me the silent treatment.
Ahhh, the 4th of July. The day where trips to hospital start with the words "Hold my beer and watch this!"
I don`t have a drinking problem, you have a problem with my drinking. Big difference.
Talking to me this morning is like trying to dribble a ball with not enough air in it.
I decided to make a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number 1: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes?
It`s 2013. With all the hormones in food and advances in medical technology, why are there still girls with less than C cup boobs?
Whenever I receive a text saying bahaha, I like to believe you are a sheep on drugs.
It must be exhausting being offended by everything.