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What is the difference between a trapeze artist and a supermodel?. The trapeze artist has a cunning stunt.
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
I am dealing with it like an adult! Tonight I`m getting drunk!!!
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and Facebook.
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"
That awkward moment when you imagine your own funeral...
Jogging backwards because I`m trying to gain a little weight
Job interview `What is your biggest weakness?` `Honesty` `I don`t think honesty is a weakness` `I don`t give a flying *#(@ what you think!`
Not now, I`m busy bringing shame to my family on the internet.
A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
Being single is the worst sh!t ever. Being in a relationship is a close second.
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
~WARNING~ I will more than likely offend you at some point in time