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Nothing is as scary as logging into Facebook and seeing someone you were secretly with last night has uploaded a new album.
I always read my wife`s Horoscope to see what kind of day I`M going to have...!!
I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
“I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
I’ve been saving up my tickets for 27 years sir, and I would like to purchase this very chuck e cheese.
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
There`s no easy way to tell someone you lost their kid in a high stakes game of duck duck goose.
Some people want to get in shape before they go to a gym. Which is the equivalent of losing weight so you can go on a diet
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I’m making important life decisions.
A lie is just a great story that someone ruined by telling the truth.
Someone once said, “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” So, I’m pleased to announce the grand opening of my titty squeezing business!!
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
For once I would like to see a horoscope that says, "You`re totally f*cked this month"