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French people give me the crepes.
"i wasn`t that drunk"..Dude!you tied me to a chair and bitch-slapped me,yelling "where`s Harry Potter!!"
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
Sugar` is the only word in English that starts with `su` and sounds like `sh`. I`m sure of it.
Scream “Chrome is better than Firefox” around a group of geeks if you wanna see them argue for 2 hours.
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
I want to be something scary for Halloween so I am going as a positive pregnancy test......
Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
Facebook account for sale, Friends included...
Always envied the kids who showed up to school with their 64 count Crayola crayons. If I wanted Burgundy or Salmon I had to ask in shame.
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.
I have learned from watching crime dramas on tv when the good guys yell "Federal Agents" at the bad guys, the bad guy always runs. Wouldn`t it be smarter to yell "Prize Patrol" if you really want to catch a bad guy?
Don`t sweat the petty things and don`t pet the sweaty things.