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Late to bed and early to rise, makes me really tired and pissed off.
I love being married. It`s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
I`m starting to think mosquitoes just land on our faces not to suck blood but to see how stupid we look when we slap ourselves.
I always wonder if the people sitting near me at church every Sunday are unsettled by the fact that I take my communion like a shot of cheap vodka because I`m still in a party mode
If life Sucks, what makes you think death doesn`t Blow??
I`ve come to believe that everyone on Earth could benefit from a 12 step program.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
I was an atheist, until I realized I was a sex god.
To all the lovely ladies here I`m not wearing green....to all the guys here, I know Ju-Jitsu. Just saying
"is Pepsi ok?" - my coke dealer, tryin to be funny
Facebook is like my fridge… I know there is nothing there but I check it every 10 minutes anyways.
Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent`s dry cleaner.
I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.
I don’t think my inner child is ever moving out.