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It`s impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
My sex tape would just be called Home Alone.
Today is International Women’s Day. It was actually supposed to be held 2 days ago but they took too long to get ready.
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
Wouldn`t it be great to revive the old "Mutual Of Omaha`s Wild Kingdom" show, but with a new setting? Like a WalMart Store in Kentucky?
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
I’ve got bad news: Today is not Friday, Tomorrow is not Friday, Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.
Keep honking. I´m reloading.
The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing
everyone has that one crazy person in there family...but in my case everyone is just as crazy as i am!XD
The best time to re-examine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
When ever I think about the past...It brings back so many memories
I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night…he hypnotized 7 guys…then dropped the mic on his foot and yelled F*CK ME ... what happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life