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Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome
This pill bottle says `Take with plenty of fluids` and `Don`t take with alcohol`. That doesn`t even make sense
Anyone that says I`m a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”
My coworkers and I do this fun thing where they say `It`s so cold out!` and I say `It`s winter` and then we silently hate each other.
Likes doing tokyo drifts with the shopping carts when I round the corner of each isle at Walmart.
Im not fat I´m just easier to see
I don’t have nightmares... I create them for others ;-)
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
No. My hair magically got shorter.
All I want for Christmas is for these calories to not count.
I always ask my waitress to name everything that comes in the salad then I respond “OK perfect, I want a cheeseburger with none of that on it.”
I was named after my father. I don`t really like the name "Dad" though.