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By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
I`m gaining weight for my role as "Before picture"
If you can`t think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you`re bilingual instead of an idiot.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
a friend will calm you down when you`re angry a best friend will run beside you with a baseball bat shouting, "somebody`s gonna get it!"
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain realizes what I`m doing.
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
Don`t you just want to write on some people`s Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?
When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.
Tieam... problem solved
Whenever somebody is murdered, the 1st person the police investigae is the spouse. That should tell you all you need to know about marriage.
No one will ever look at you the way I do ... But thats probably because no one will ever do it from the tree outside your window