Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Three things Iām thankful for this time of year: Family, Friends, and Caller ID to avoid family and friends
Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn`t know you did that for fun.
You can test my patience all you want, but Iām never going to pass.
Has anyone donated any money to ALS? All these ice bucket challenges I been seeing makes me think ... you all some cheap bastards
Dinosaurs never had pizza and they all died.
Fox canceled Cops. So I guess if I want to stay current on what my family is up to now, I`ll have to turn to Facebook.
You find my yoga pants distracting ... would you like me to take them off?
Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.
Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12.
Despite being a pain in the a$$, you have to admit I still bring a lot to the table.
Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that`s not your Ferrari?
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.
I`ve dieted and worked out enough to realize that the only way I`m getting smokin` hot is by getting cremated.
I never drink unless I am alone or with somebody.