Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ended a relationship today. Don`t worry, it wasn`t mine.
I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
I bet the hardest part of working the poison control hotline is not finishing your sentences with "...you ignorant dumbass"
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes.
Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?
It isn`t until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would`ve been a better option.
If you spotted a white guy with headphones throwing gang signs on the subway today, that was just me listening to the soundtrack of Frozen.
If I don`t remember what I did, don`t ruin it for me by reminding me.
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
I found a real money maker in selling homing pigeons....... So far this month I sold mine 4 times.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time.
My beard itches, Web MD: Beard cancer
I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.
Cute things to put in a letter to your boyfriend/girlfriend; I adore you. You complete me. Must stay 500 yards away at all times.