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Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
I remember my single days like it was 11 years, 1 month, and 12 days ago.
According to this bathroom stall,,, my ex changed her number again.
If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.
When I was a child, I wanted to be a surgeon. But apparently I was too young
When someone yells stop, I don`t know if it`s in the name of love, it`s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.
Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
Dear math, please stop asking us to find your x. She`s not coming back. And we don`t no y either.
If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you`ll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
I finally finished my 4,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. It reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "
If you can`t read the bottom of the eye chart, spell something dirty. Eye doctors love that sh!t.
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?
Sometimes, when I "like" your post, it`s because my touchscreen is too sensitive and I only meant to scroll by your ass. Sometimes. ;)
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.