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This debt collector was just so surprised I answered my phone that they stuttered and hung-up lmao!!
I`m getting really tired of being really tired of stuff.
Last New Year my resolution was 1920x1080 , this year it`s to be less of a nerd.
Me: "I want to travel more." Bank account: "Like, to the park?"
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
I`m as conflicted as a strip club addict with a glitter allergy.
Somebody asked for my name today, and when I told them they said "That`s an unusual name. You don`t hear that everyday" to which I replied "Well actually... I do"
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a shot of Vodka while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care.
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
Funny word combinations :Clearly misunderstood, Exact estimate, Small crowd, Act naturally, Found missing, Fully empty and above all ... Happily Married
My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell `em: "You`re gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates"..... whatever!!
They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says "Eating Doritos".
Why isn’t the default for online shopping “view all”? Who likes to skip through 20 pages of only 12 items…
Don`t you wish common sense would make a big comeback.
It`s amazing how tired I get from how little I do.