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I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
How many men does it take to open a beer? None! It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
If anyone could do it, it wouldn`t be called PROcrastination.
Was disappointed when I watched the films Shaft, XXX, X-Men, In To Deep, Snatch, The Box, Free Willy. None of them were what I expected...
My new year`s resolution is to stop making new year`s resolutions.
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
Destiny may decide who touches your Life. Your heart may decide who touches your Soul. But…Tequila decides who touches your body
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
Apparently, walking up behind a hot guy in the produce aisle with celery in my hand and whispering "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
Did you know dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your a$$ smelling like meadows and rain drops?
I need to stop lying to myself ... This bag of Reese cups will never make it to Halloween
I went frisbee golfing today. I didn`t get an ace, but I did hit a guy and that was just as satisfying.
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?