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Workout Journal Day #5: Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
I thought 70 was the new 50, but the cop still gave me a ticket.
My new bumper sticker ... "Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
Karma’s only a bitch if you are.
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
Got this super hard game on my phone called Bank Of America. You only get a power up every 2 weeks? Need cheat codes
Look in the mirror and tell me that God does not have a sense of humor.
According to my iPhone Health app, I walked 1,787 steps around this Golden Corral buffet tonight .... So I got that going for me.
I love finding money in my clothes. It’s like a gift to me ... from me.
Don`t half a$$ it. It`s not a real nap unless you take your pants off.
was going to argue with you...but then I remembered I really didn`t care
My wife just bought a $50 bottle of shampoo. So guys, party at my house this weekend because apparently we won the Lottery!!!
Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is police.
You must be a parking ticket or something for the word FINE is written all over you.