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Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
"Dancing with the Stars" is being canceled, but tune in to a new reality show by the same creators called, "Athletes do your Taxes."
If we aren`t supposed to be too close to the microwave then why do they show us food twirling around in there?
Some people, even in photos, just look like they smell horrible.
The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee is when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
My new years resolution was to lose 30 lbs by the end of summer... I`ve only got 40 lbs to go.
The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.
If you win a years supply of calendars, you would only win 1 calendar.
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
I don`t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it
Adam Levine beating me out for sexiest man contest is complete bullsh*t.
Don`t you wish common sense would make a big comeback.
I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the `Downward Dog` on top of another person.
I went by the Gym today. Its the third time this week............. One of these day`s I might actually go in.
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.