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What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin? (asking for a friend)
Just drove past the house where I lost my virginity. There wasn`t even a plaque or anything. Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
The invention of the shovel must have been ground-breaking.
Me: You`ve dimmed the lights already, aren`t we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
On the Internet you can be anything you want ... It`s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
Sorry, I was not paying attention. I was thinking about having sex with you.
Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.
Sometimes my life feels like a 40 year long episode of Punk`d...
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
I really worried about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
If I say "I don`t know, let me look", I`m really just spinning around in my chair a few times while you`re on hold.
Iām over the 30-day ab challenge ... Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?
With my luck, I`ll die and get reincarnated as myself.