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I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it takes up a lot more hard drive space.
I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
Despite being a pain in the a$$, you have to admit I still bring a lot to the table.
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
Her dad said he`d like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife, someone wakes me up...
Really close to my perfect target weight. All I need now is one more stomach flu
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
The only way I`ll ever run a marathon is if I set up the booths and hand out tags.
Inspiration: nobody else knows what the hell they’re doing either.
If opportunity doesn`t knock, build a door.