Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
Don`t play stupid with me! I`m better at it.
My wife asked me if I knew her favorite flower was. Apparently "Gold Medal All Purpose" was not the correct response
If you don`t have anything nice to say, say it anyway, `cause it might be really really funny.
Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?
I’m starting to think we as a society may be trying to do too much with the Dorito.
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
Question everything...Or should you?
Whenever I hear someone call my name, my first instinct is to walk faster
Cops don’t like it when you ask them “Need some help?” especially when you’re wearing a Batman costume.
Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it