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Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
If you`re single and you know it hug your cat!
Just because you think it`s a bad idea doesn`t mean we won`t have a good time.
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook statuses; it simply makes me not care what you think of them…
*Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”
SPOILER ALERT for "Finding Bigfoot" TV show - they don`t find him. Again.
It`s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you`ve reached your destination.
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of sh!t?"
Girlfriend: You`re acting like a little kid. Me: What do mean, little kids can`t drink.
I`m ready to regret having sex with you.
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
Inspirational status of the day: Don’t be a douche.
I can keep a secret… It’s all the other people I tell it to who can’t.
There’s no such thing as being ready for vacation to be over.