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I just realized that if we drink enough wine, the adult`s table will become the kid`s table.
Wishing you a fabulous 2014 that is full of great achievements and experiences. A meaningful chapter waiting to be written HAPPY NEW YEAR!
One man`s trash is another man`s profile picture.
If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 7 am is sexy... Then yeah, I`m your guy.
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
Me: But where do you see this relationship in five years? Her: Sir! For the last time, do you want extra cheese or not?
I don`t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to "single." I fight with my parents but you don`t see me change my status to "orphan."
The longest five seconds in anyone’s life is waiting to press the “Skip Ad” button on YouTube.
If your drug dealer is always on time he is a cop …
One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol at my house may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
I have an eating disorder; I`m about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.