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Screw it, I’m starting Friday now.
If you’re going to walk a mile in my shoes… Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
According to Facebook, some people I don`t remember are grilling this weekend.
Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
I love it when I Google something I should know the answer to and find out 308 people are just as dumb as I am.
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
I spent 2 hours cleaning this kitchen. Mess it up and I will cut you! ... Love MOM
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
You ever read a status, and you`re like, `what a f*ck up` and then you realize you`re on your own page?
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I’m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.