Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When your girlfriend or wife says "lol have fun", do not have fun. Abort mission. I repeat. Abort mission.
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs..... But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 3 or 4 births before they throw you out.
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
Sometimes I post crazy shit just to see if my friend`s list will drop a few #`s
Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don`t know where I am.
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
Dance like no one´s going to put it on YouTube.
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
I`m running out of reasons to call into work. Do you think "emergency circumcision" is a good excuse?
When I get married I plan on introducing my spouse as my ex-fiancé just to mess with people.
I am sorry I wasn`t being completely honest when I said I was normal.
I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 single people high five the sh!t out of each other because it`s negative.
If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.
My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can`t stuff your face when you`re sleeping.